Marriage!

It's our 33rd anniversary today, so I've been thinking alot about what makes a successful marriage. Here are a few thoughts .......

1. Set your priorities early and stand by them. Mine are; 1. my faith, 2. our marriage, 3. our kids, 4. extended family, friends, and work. You will notice that I am not in my list. But I believe that if I concentrate on making the other things priorities, my needs will be taken care of as well.

2. Keep the institution of marriage sacred. You may not always like your spouse ..... and they might not always like you ...... but the institution of marriage is sacred .... and should be treated as such.

3. Beware of living your life based on emotions. Romantic love comes and goes ...... as does anger. Go to bed mad if necessary ..... or sleep on the couch if necessary. But do not lash out in anger. Wait until you have calmed down to see if what triggered your emotions is a real concern, or just something that ticked you off at the moment. " Be angry .... but do not sin".

4. Ignore ... or manage .... the little things that annoy you about your spouse. When we got married Steve always wanted me to do things like his mom. He gave up after I kept doing them my way. It was not worth fighting over. And .... he has a habit of letting the orange juice run out so there was none for me in the mornings. After I got over the "If he really loved me he would make sure there was orange juice for me in the morning" thoughts, I started drinking grape juice. Now if his orange juice is out in the morning ..... oh well! The same goes for tooth paste .... etc. If his dries out because he left the cap off ..... oh well! It's his problem .. not mine! :)

5. Forsake all others. Period. Don't allow pornography, or other people to become third persons in your marriage. That is non-negotiable. The institution is for 2 people only. Save your big guns for this one issue.

6. Realize that you will be spending your life in the same house as this person, so deal with the major issues before contempt creeps in. That is the time to sit down, put the issues on the table, and decide what each of you can do to make the relationship livable. Love will return when you realize that each of you is willing to sacrifice for the sake of the marriage.

7. Oh .... and did I just mention sacrifice. I have an acquaintance from high school who has been married 6 times and divorced 5 times. His theory is that he takes care of his own needs ... because he can't trust anyone else to take care of them for him. My theory is, if you sacrifice some of your wants for the sake of your spouse, and he does the same for you .... then both of your needs will be met ..... but in a co-joined way. And that is where those feelings of love come in.

I've written a book ..... Oh well! Just a few thoughts on making a marriage work!

Love to you all!